At first, I thought “why aren't I like other kids”
An important part of our work is reconnecting with young carers we have supported after they graduate Honeypot when they turn 13. It’s a great opportunity for us to understand how our services have impacted their lives and which memories that stayed with them, and to listen to their ideas and suggestions.
Before Christmas, we had a Zoom call with Jaiden, who also featured in one of our videos a few years ago (see YouTube clip at bottom of page). Jaiden’s mother suffers from lupus and various health issues, and together with his older brother Edward, he’s cared for her from a young age. His brother Edward, and Sheila, their mother, also joined the call and we spoke about Covid and lockdown restrictions, the boys’ experience of caring for an ill mum during this difficult time, their family life, and their hopes and dreams for the future.
“My mum suffers from lupus, sleep apnoea, arthritis, hypertension, and there’s something wrong with her thyroid as well. At the moment there is also a problem with her liver. She has a carer that comes in once every so often, but it’s mainly me she depends on. ”
Can you give us some examples of what your role as a young carer involves?
Jaiden: When my mum is going to bed, I have to give her her sleep apnoea mask just so she can sleep properly. I also have to get medication from different pharmacies, do the dishes, and help with any phone calls from the hospital if mum is asleep. I have an older brother and it was the two of us helping at first, but he went to university, so for the last couple of years, it was just me.
How did the lockdowns affect you and your family?
Edward: From February 2020 to September 2020, it was just us three in the house for the most part. We were quite anxious and very cautious, we weren’t letting people come in and out, mainly because of mum’s condition. The way me and Jaiden handled it is that we delegated jobs amongst the two of us and stopped the carers coming just to be safe. Then in September, when I had left, it was just mum and Jaiden again. Jaiden went to school and caught it, so when he came home, mum caught it too.
Sheila: I was really worried about Covid, always anxious. I didn’t want to catch anything like that because of all my problems with my breathing and asthma. My anxiety was up in the sky. And then Jaiden and I both got it in October, Jaiden must have brought it back from school. It was scary but we got through it.
“During the first lockdown, it was just me and my mum, so that was quite tough. Lockdown One began when I was in the middle of year nine. It took about five months for my brother to come back home and help me. So the first couple of months were bumpy, because I just panicked. But we got through it in the end.”
Would you say your caring duties changed your childhood experiences?
Jaiden: I definitely missed out on a lot of stuff growing up, but it doesn’t really phase me. At primary school, sometimes my friends would ask me to go out to a party and obviously I couldn’t go. But back then, I didn’t really think of it as something that I had to do, so it didn’t really bother me as much.
“At first, I thought ‘why aren’t I like other kids’ but after a while I understood the responsibility and I just went with it.”
Edward: When I was younger, there was a clear stigma around being a young carer, young carers weren’t as well-known as they are now, but maybe Jaiden just got lucky that he had the support of Honeypot. I felt when I was his age, younger people didn’t tend to understand what it meant for a child to care for their mum. I would get ridiculed at primary school, people would say that mum had all types of diseases and stuff like that, so that did really disenfranchise me from other kids. At the time, Jaiden was really young too, so I kind of looked after both of them to a certain extent. So there was additional responsibility.
We didn’t really go to parties or go outside. we would only go outside to go to the pharmacy and to the shops to get what's needed and then come back. I think this also created a dynamic that people wouldn’t invite me to things because they would know I would say no. But it didn’t bother me either.
“At least now people go into schools to teach kids that sort of thing, so children are more welcoming to young carers. I feel Jaiden’s friends are a lot more understanding about all this than my friends were. ”
Tell us a bit more about your time with Honeypot, what did you do?
Jaiden: I went on a lot of trips with Honeypot. It gave me the chance to meet other people who are in the same position as me. It was really comforting because I knew that I wasn't alone in this and there were a lot of people across the country who were going through what I was going through.
The breaks were really fun and I got to experience things that I had never done before. I went to Honeypot House two or three times, it was really nice and we got to some artwork in the garden. We also went to a theme park one time, Downing Street another time and I got to meet the Prime minister.
What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
Jaiden’s artwork
Jaiden: I think I'd describe myself as a very creative person, I really like drawing. Whenever I’m torn, I can draw about something using art. It really makes me happy as I can express my feelings through the artwork. I started drawing from a young age, but I am not sure what my inspiration is. It is just really relaxing, it’s quiet and you can go into your own world. It’s just you, the pen, the paper, the pencil and the paintbrush.
“I remember I liked doing artwork on the breaks, and they definitely motivated me and pushed me forward into doing more pieces. They gave me a bit of encouragement. ”
Sheila: I am proud that Jaiden gets to enjoy something, instead of sitting in a corner not doing anything and getting depressed himself. He also likes writing, writing music and rapping. It balances everything out. We have one of his drawings up in the house. I think Honeypot has one of paintings too. It was of a boy sitting in the corner by himself, he made it in primary school. I think that’s what moved a lot of people because he drew it when he was very young.
Do you have a Christmas wish?
Jaiden: My Christmas wish would be, and I say this every year, I just wish for my mum to get better. That’s the only thing I am wishing for. I have gotten to that age now where I don’t really think about myself as much, I think about my mum way more. That’s really the only thing I am wishing for.
Sheila: I just want to see these boys go wherever they want to go in life. I just pray that I am strong enough to see them through because sometimes I feel like I am taking a lot away from them due to my illness. I just wish Corona will come to an end so when they go out, they can feel comfortable and not think about running back home to check up on me.