“Our role as young carers was to look after our dad’s mental health as good as we could as children”
Originally from Hampshire, Megan (23) was was first referred to Honeypot in 2008 at the age of nine, together with her little sister Adele who was seven at the time. Throughout their childhood, both sisters provided emotional support to their dad, who was often unwell. Today Megan works as a teacher in the North East. We talked to her about her experience as a young carer, her time with Honeypot, and how her childhood experiences shape her work as a teacher today.
“I was nine when we were first referred to Honeypot, my sister must have been seven or eight. We were young carers for our dad, we provided emotional support to him. Mum was at home as well; she was also affected by my dad being unwell. Throughout childhood, it was turbulent at home. It was challenging for us as we didn’t really understand what was going on, we were so young.
“Our role as young carers was to look after our dad’s mental health as good as we could as children. Obviously, we often fell short of that because we were so young. That’s where we needed the respite, because it could be difficult. We were caring for our dad, but also for everyone else in our family unit. “
looking back, do you feel it was important for you to meet other young carers with a shared experience?
I remember going to the house and not really understanding why I was there. Later I recognised that everyone else who was there was considered a young carer as well. I didn’t really understand what that term meant at the time, but I knew that everyone there had somebody at home that they were looking after. It was just nice to know that these children had hardships too.
It was nice for us to know we aren’t the only ones. I think that stuck with us until adulthood. There are others too doing this, that it’s not only us and our family. We didn’t necessarily talk about it when we were staying at Honeypot House, but it was nice to have that companionship with people who were similar to us.
“Being at Honeypot was different to being at school because the children there were so much more similar to me. At school I felt different.”
At school I felt a bit isolated, not that that was anybody's fault. Life was a bit more challenging when I got home, and I took that into the classroom as well because I was tired from helping or whatever was going on at home.
Do you have any particular fond memories from you breaks with Honeypot?
My first break was really exciting. I remember coming down on the bus and singing. I don’t know what we were singing, but everybody was singing and the staff were just really kind and warm. They knew how to be with children, how to work with children and what young carers needed. They were just really nice people.
I remember being given aprons and doing cooking and having set mealtimes which was different to home, it was nice having so much more structure. It was refreshing as it socialised us a little bit. And if we went to a friend's house, and they sat down at the dinner table and had structured mealtimes, we knew what we were doing then because that's not how it really was at home.
“We took turn on bikes and did face painting every day, and there was that little craft hut and a trampoline. There were girls in the house and boys in another section all together, and in the morning the boys would march over to the house for breakfast.”
I remember they folded our pyjamas for us and put them on the bed and took us to brush our teeth. I was probably a bit too old, but it was just nice to be looked after in that way. It was nice because they parented us, not in a patronising way or anything, they were just really caring individuals.
What was your biggest challenge as a young carer?
“Looking back, my biggest challenge as a young carer was probably my anxiety. I would second guess myself, and I think socially that was probably the main reason I isolated myself and was bullied because I struggled to understand other children. I did feel different to them.”
When I look back at myself, I probably looked quite scruffy. I brushed my own hair at four years old and other children weren’t doing that. Instead, their mums would plait it into a thousand different plaits and a bow and did all of these fantastic things with them. But I did it myself and that’s why I didn’t look pristine all of the time and other children thought I looked a bit different.
I was always quite academic, but just above average at school. However, when I got to university, and I was in my own space, I ended up doing much better than I ever had done. I finished my degree with a first. Having that space, I realised I was a lot brighter than I thought I was. The lack of sleep, and lack of free time and time to relax had an impact on me at school. And I think that’s why I’m good at my job as a teacher now, because I can recognise that in other children.
How do your experiences as a young carer help you with your teaching role?
I can see things from the children's perspective, I can see that that my lesson is not going to be the first thing on their mind. Sometimes they need to step outside and take a break or have a bit of time in the classroom at breaktime, rather than being forced outside. Children need to be able to process what’s going on, some may need quiet or just space. Often, I can take a guess at what they might need because I know what I needed when I was a child.
“I really feel for young carers and have thought about them a lot as a teacher over lockdown. I have thought about how they have been trying to do their learning online whilst being a young carer. It just feels impossible.”
I imagined myself as a child, and I don’t think I would have thrived under lockdown learning. I don’t think I could have done it. Even if we’d had the technology, I wouldn’t have had the space, mentally or physically for it.
If you could, is there anything you would change or improve for young carers today?
I feel the lack of awareness of other children is something that needs to improve. Children don’t really recognise that other children have the roles that they have, and children can be unsympathetic towards that. It’s not their fault, but if there was something I could do, I would teach more children about the role of young carers. Because if they are taught, nine times out of ten, it opens their eyes, and they really empathise.
I think children are incredible, whether they are young carers or not. Young carers obviously do a heck of a lot for their families, some did more than me and my sister did, a lot more. For children in general, if they are taught about things and how to understand it, their response would be so fantastic. It’s how to teach them, without going in to too much detail, I suppose, and without scaring or causing trauma to the young carers.
Do you still treasure your experience with Honeypot?
Honeypot made a significant difference to me and my sister’s lives. If you do that for 1500 children a year, then I think that is quite incredible.